So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
