So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
