When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
