fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
