Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
