How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
