The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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