Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize