I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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