you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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