btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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