I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
