I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
