bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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