and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
