I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
