Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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