the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize