i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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