He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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