i permit you to call me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
