I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
