dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
