she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
