tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
