I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
