My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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