Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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