Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
