Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
