so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
