I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
