dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
