I think my fart just growled at me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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