I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
