yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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