3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
