Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
