just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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