I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
