Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
