I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
