Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Randomize
