I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
