I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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