you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I pour the whiskey from now on
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
