I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
