I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
