i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
