yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
