I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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