i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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