I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
