i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
