worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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