Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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