You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
