When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
