if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
