Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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