a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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