I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
