My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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