I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
