I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
