Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
