omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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