I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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