Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize