dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
