Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
