I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
