Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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