Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
