This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
