That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
