He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
