One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
