why didn't you poke me back
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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