allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
