sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
