One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
