im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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