Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
