You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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