Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
