cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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